1.5. The Art of Silence
Practice makes perfect. So, I shut my mouth in discipline. The more I mastered this secret, the more I was amazed at the greatness of its power.
Silence is golden. And speech is silver, surely emotion is copper.
My tongue was as quick as lightning and my thoughts were as unruly as a wildfire. Even my featherweight ego was determined to fight, it might not fight well in the smoke and heat of the wildfire. This may be the first step in looking at myself.
Yes, I will admit it. I often talked as if I was worthless if I didn't. When I was in junior high school, my teacher criticised me. I wanted to find value in myself, even if I didn't speak.
Practice makes perfect. So, I shut my mouth in discipline.
The more I mastered this secret, the more I was amazed at the greatness of its power. In a nutshell, it was a tactic that retreat soldiers who are good at reacting and send soldiers who act correctly to the front line. If I stop the reaction, there is no room for human drama. I let my emotions sleep. I’m not ready to play emotional Yo-Yo, so I naturally beat a retreat from the front line.
Keeping distance from this emotional Yo-Yo was crucially important. Then my five senses begin to take charge of the situation. With my mouth shut, the feeling of having positive constructive daydreaming comes to mind. This state produces gold.
Repetition increases the purity of the gold.
I did it today in my first meeting with a lawyer. I concentrated all my energy on keeping my tongue firmly planted behind my teeth. It was not easy, but I was able to listen to the worst-case scenario to end up without emotion. In other words, I didn’t allow myself to experience the humiliation with the worst-case scenario. It was the possibility that my ex-husband without a job could obtain 100% custody of our 12-year-old daughter with me paying monthly child support to him until our daughter turns 18 years old, plus paying his food allowance until he gets a job.
The gold told me that people were equal under the law.
I used it last Tuesday in a conversation with my ex-husband who called me for the first time in a month. He asked me to pay for the living and repair fees of his car. I listened to all his unreasonable demands in silence. I focused on swallowing words and I succeeded in letting my emotions sleep.
The gold advised me that people had demands.
I listened in silence when one of my friends, who volunteered to interpret during the meeting with the lawyer, proudly talked about his fourth marriage and graciously affirmed the marriage system. I skipped my comments and I was able to produce a golden smile on my face. After that, he gave me back a golden interpretation.
The gold convinced me that people had different opinions.
I am a practitioner in the art of silence. Because my featherweight ego needs to increase weight, raise density, remove tarnish and should not be attracted to a magnet.
To be continued to 1.6. I am in meditation…
Dear readers,
Thank you for reading the Art of Silence, the fifth chapter of the Kiosk. I sincerely thank you for reading up to Chapter 5. I don't want to confuse you, so I'd like to explain a little more about myself to you, whom I felt a little connection after reading this chapter.
I wrote this chapter in July 2021. When I wrote this, I was still married so I wrote “my husband”, for this Substack, I re-wrote it as “ex-husband”. I thought about which word I should use for a while. I decided to use “ex-husband”.
I am writing the third book which will be the final part of the triptych. I publish a new chapter once a month on my website. Now I am about to complete it. It is an interesting step to read the starting point from where I am about to land. This is the reason I started to publish the Kiosk in this Substack.
KIOSK is an artwork. It is a kaleidoscope of a piece of notes from my diary and a cut of my photography. It is my challenge to express a part of myself that I cannot see as it is.
Sincerely,
Yuko