1.11. My Antahkarana on My Favourite Hill-Part 2: That day on June 26th 2021
Now I was ready to prove the hypothesis. This was the very purpose of coming to this hill. ”Mirror, mirror, mirror, show me the truth I seek now.” As soon as the large mirror stayed steady, I spoke ..
After passing the "Křímov" signage, I drove through the narrow cranky road. I felt more intuitive, psychic, or perhaps spiritually "open." While I liked a spotless blue sky, a sky wearing thick clouds like this was not bad at all. My eyes caught a gentle hill at the end of the dramatic sky.
Rising from the earth was a strikingly similar hill, its silhouette mirroring the iconic shape of the Glastonbury Tor in England, even though there was no Tor. I named it “Glastonbury Tor in Czechia”. It is approximately 1400km and 15 hours drive from the real “Glastonbury Tor in England”. Only me on Earth's planet likely linked two places in a line like this.
As you can see from the above map, the Glastonbury Tor is located in southwest England and stands majestically against the sky. Rising dramatically from the lush, green fields of Somerset Levels that stretched in all directions, the hill commanded attention, its gentle slopes culminating in the distinct, crumbling square tower that crowned its peak. To the untrained eye, it might have appeared like a solitary island amidst a vast, verdant ocean— that beckoned adventurers and dreamers alike, including ME.
I eased the gas pedal of my old Volvo V70 van and it gave me extra time to reach the hill. My heart pounding in response to the sound of the car engine stirred a spring deep in my heart, where I stored a certain memory before I came to Czechia and it slowly surfaced. I must speak my story. If I didn't, this attempt would not succeed.
I had only been to the Glastonbury Tor once when I lived in Bath, England. That single visit, however, left an indelible mark on me - an experience so profound that I found myself compelled to bestow the same name upon a hill located over 1,400 km away, in another country.
It was a sunny day in summer like today. I sat in the passenger seat to come to the Glastonbury Tor and DJ Daddy Vegas drove for 40 minutes from Bath. We climbed up the green hill. When I stood before the tower on the hill, gazing out over the rolling green surrounding Somerset Levels, I felt a deep sense of connection and tranquillity wash over me. I closed my eyes.
The high wind tickled my cheeks and the sun was heating on my face. I could feel the whispers of centuries past echoing in the wind and the warmth of Mother Earth in the sun. I filled my imaginary brush with watercolours and let my imagination run wild in my head. The landscape stretched endlessly, a patchwork of gradation of green waiting to be painted under the colours of the light blue sky. Beyond it, I saw something that should not be real. It was joyous. When I almost completed the imaginary painting, a mystical aura spoke to my soul, stirring memories and visions that I could not fully explain. Then, beneath the sunlit sky, I decided to meet Satchidanand and a few weeks later I left Bath.
Bath, where I lived for almost 2 years, is a charming city known for its well-preserved Georgian architecture with the Royal Crescent and the Circus which I used to live next to. The circus, which is a ring of architecture, was designed by the architect John Wood, the Elder and his son and completed by John Wood, the Younger in 1768. The entire city centre is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
I often walked on its winding streets and picturesque parks at dusk. It offered me a peaceful and awe-inspiring atmosphere. It was especially wonderful in winter when the air was nippy and clean. I still vividly remember feeling like I was in a dream, somewhere between this world I lived in and the other world where everything I couldn’t see existed, past and present, danced in harmony just after the sun disappeared.
Bath has a long history dating back to the Roman era in the 1st century AD when the city was known as Aquae Sulis named after the Celtic goddess Sulis, whom they equated with their goddess Minerva. They constructed a magnificent temple, as well as an extensive bathing complex, to take advantage of the hot springs. The Roman baths and temple remained an important religious and social centre in Britain for nearly 400 years, until the decline of Roman rule in the 5th century AD. The remains of these Roman baths can still be seen in the city today.
Although the Celtic goddess Sulis was a local goddess and was believed to have healing and curative powers, she had another part in her portrait which presented an intriguing mystery surrounding her powers.
Hundreds of lead curse tablets have been discovered at the site of the ancient Roman baths in Bath, dating from the 1st to 4th centuries AD. The tablets contain curses and requests addressed to the goddess Sulis, asking her to punish or take action against individuals who had wronged the tablet's owner.
In the ancient Mediterranean world, where Romans came from, magic was employed for a variety of purposes, including both protective and malicious ends. Just as certain rituals and material objects were used to safeguard health and ward off illness, curses and hexes were also invoked to inflict harm upon one's enemies. These lead curse tablets, where the inscription and the physical act of piercing the tablet were believed to bring misfortune and sickness upon the targeted individual.
This dual nature of Sulis—a healer and a channel for curses—resonates with the concept of light and shadow within spiritual practices. This darker form of magic, intended to cause deliberate harm rather than healing, can be considered a type of "black magic" in contrast to the more benevolent magical practices. The use of curses and hexes tapped into a belief that the written word and ritualized actions could be wielded as supernatural weapons against one's adversaries in the ancient world.
Again, I now understood why my meditation teacher, Satchidanand taught me to fight against the black magicians, which he wrote “BM” in his email, in the third step of the Energy Enhancement 7-step process. White and black magic concepts trace back to ancient spiritual traditions, symbolizing the dual forces of creation and destruction, good and evil, and selfless versus selfish intent. Blockages within me could result from the misuse of spiritual energy in my past lives. The Energy Enhancement 7-step process reflects the transformation of negativity into purity, the balance between light and shadow, and the historical layers of spiritual practices across cultures.
What a day today…. Satchi! I became clearer and clearer….
While it is uncertain how many individuals' wishes may have been granted, the sheer number of curses written on over 100 lead tablets over 300 years suggests that the goddess held considerable influence and power in the eyes of the local population.
This socially influential goddess was revered for her abilities to dispense justice and retribution and these concepts of the duality of white magic and black magic made a connection to the enigmatic figure of a female ruler in ancient Japan during the 3rd century AD. Her name is Himiko（卑弥呼), also known as Queen Himiko. Both women influenced society in the island nations on Eurasia's eastern and western edges during a similar period. Well, taking into account that the goddess Sulis lived for much longer than Queen Himiko.
Queen Himiko is documented in the ancient Chinese text, the Wajinden in the Record of Three Kingdoms, as a skilled diplomat, ruler of over 30 small kingdoms in Japan and a shamanistic queen. Interestingly, unlike Emperor Jimmu, Goddess Amaterasu, whom I introduced in previous chapters, Queen Himiko is conspicuously absent in ancient Japanese texts such as the “Kojiki(古事記) and Nihon Shoki(日本書紀). Even I, who was an elementary school student at the time, wondered if her existence touched on a historical taboo. There was something fishy.
The “Wajinden:倭人伝”, which contains about 2000 words in Chinese, provides one of the earliest and most detailed accounts of the Japanese archipelago and its people from a Chinese perspective. Wa:倭 means ancient Japan, jin:人 means people, and den:伝 means treatise. According to this "Treatise on the Ancient Japanese People", Himiko's ascent to the throne occurred during a tumultuous period following years of conflict in ancient Japan. The decision to appoint a queen, rather than continuing the traditional male line of succession, signalled a significant cultural and political shift. This change likely reflected a pressing need for stability and unity among the various powerful clans vying for control.
"The Records of the Three Kingdoms" is a Chinese historical text written by Chen Shou in the 3rd century, documenting the history of the late Eastern Han dynasty (184–220 AD) and the Three Kingdoms period (220–280 AD) that followed. The Three Kingdoms were "Wei:魏", "Shu:蜀", and "Wu:呉", each ruled by prominent warlords who became significant figures in Chinese history.
The Record of the Three Kingdoms (Sanguozhi:三国志 in Chinese) is one of the most influential historical texts in China. From the Chinese perspective, it is considered a seminal work that provides a comprehensive account of the political and military affairs during the tumultuous period of the Three Kingdoms in Chinese history."It is not only an important historical record but also a literary masterpiece that has captivated the Chinese people for centuries.
To be honest, through 7 years of living in China, I have evidenced how it attracted the Chinese people. Every Chinese I met knew many more details than the Japanese knew about the “Kojiki(古事記) and Nihon Shoki(日本書紀. Its engaging narratives, vivid descriptions, and insightful analyses have made it a beloved part of Chinese cultural heritage, inspiring numerous adaptations in various media, including literature, theatre, film, and video games.
“Have you ever watched the movie called “Red Cliff” directed by John Woo, Satchi?”
As queen, Himiko communicated effectively and negotiated with the kingdom of Wei not with the kingdom of Wu, which controlled the southeast region and had a strong naval presence. As you can see geographically, most likely, the kingdom of Wu engaged in trade by sending ships to coastal tribes in Japan. However, Himiko sent tribute to the Wei kingdom, which included gifts, thereby acknowledging Wei's authority and seeking political legitimacy. Proactively sending a messenger to Wei showcases her strategic thinking and understanding of international relations, especially in the context of potential threats from other powers like Wu. Eventually, Himiko succeeded in receiving the promise of a gold seal and gifts from the kingdom of Wei, indicating acknowledgement of her sovereignty and authority.
Yet, “Wajinden” of the Records of the Three Kingdoms also describe Queen Himiko as someone who could summon spirits and invoke their guidance, which was characteristic of shamanistic leaders who served as intermediaries between the living and the spiritual realm. This ability was a critical aspect of her authority and leadership. Her leadership might have included the establishment of cult-like followings where worship and reverence toward her as a mystical figure were central. This ties into the idea of demonology in that many shamans in various cultures could engage with both benevolent and malevolent spirits.
I think that this is the reason for the absence of direct Japanese historical accounts about Himiko. It raises intriguing questions about gender, the spiritual and supernatural aspects and historical narrative.
At that moment, I felt like this historical fact about Himiko was subconsciously connected to my fear. I had realized something very important. Intuitively, I realized that I have a fear of connecting to the spiritual world and of challenging men. I can't explain it, but if I had to say, I felt it like it was engraved in my DNA. If so, it explained a lot to me about the fear I had with my husband on that day, June 26th.
“Isn’t it possible, Satchi?
With the feeling of fear, I arrived at my destination. I parked my car on the grass side of the narrow path. My old Volvo V70 van was tilted at a slight angle. I opened a door and went outside. I felt breezes just like I felt in the morning meditation. I opened the rear door and unleashed my dog, Inca. She ran toward our final destination like the wind.
I took my shoes off and walked barefoot. Every single step reminded me of that day when I found this hill for the first time. That day was June 26th, 2021, a Saturday. It was an unusual Saturday because it was the first weekend since I had asked my husband for space and we agreed to have a non-aggression pact. It was on the previous Saturday.
This pact worked wonders from the very first day. A heavy invisible burden disappeared as if by magic and I felt lighter. The fog trapped me cleared and light shone. My horizons broadened and I could glimpse a world full of faint possibilities in the distance. The glimpse was enough. With a grain of hope, I tackled long-abandoned household chores. I swept the floors and polished the bathroom spotless. All of a sudden, my logic returned to my original place. It led to a surprising discovery: I could do it. But if I was with him, I could not do it.
What on earth?
The story of the Zen monk in Kyoto was true. Cleaning activities saved me. My logical thinking began to function. I did it in just one day. There was only one difference: whether he was there or not. The obvious fact was that I couldn't do it with him. Again, what on earth was this? My logical thinking led me to a hypothesis.
"Perhaps, he's sucking your energy away?"
“Vidlevil”...
Suddenly, a spark flashed in my memory. It was a nickname that had slipped through the cracks of time. Shortly after we met probably 15 years ago, I gave him the nickname “Vidrevil.” It was born on a whim. It was a fusion of “vidra,” which means “an otter” in Czech, and “evil” in English. I thought he was otter-like, and perhaps my intuition sensed a darker side of evil lurking beneath the surface.
Being Japanese, I encountered a strange twist of pronunciation and pronounced it “Vidlevil.” And now I was surprised by its hidden meaning. "Vidle" refers to a pitchfork which is a tool commonly associated with the devil or demons in Czech folklore. The devil is often depicted carrying or using a pitchfork. It was a spine-chilling coincidence.
Maybe, just maybe. What do you think, Satchi?
After finishing the rest of my to-do list, I soaked in a hot bath with bath salts from Karlovy Vary, a legendary spa town surrounded by the Krušné Hory Mountains. Known for their incredible healing properties and rich mineral content, these bath salts come from natural springs surrounded by ores that fueled the rise of medieval Europe. They're packed with minerals like sodium, potassium, calcium, and magnesium, each believed to calm the mind, improve circulation, and revitalize the skin.
As I soaked in the fragrant water, I felt a fascinating connection to the spirits of the mines in the mineral kingdom that I subconsciously revered. As someone like me who is fascinated by the mines, it was as if angels of light were healing me and I was bathing in a hot spring infused with rejuvenating energy that resonated with the hardworking spirit of the workers of the past.
Enveloped by the delicate yet nerve-releasing fragrance, I was finally able to breathe again, relieved to have my humanity back. At that moment, I understood the essence of the miner’s soul: the fatigue of long, gruelling shifts underground, the weight of expectation and fear weighing on weary shoulders; the long hours locked in pitch black, narrow spaces, labour and quotas.
Now, wrapped in the warmth of the bath and the sanctuary of minerals, I superimposed my marriage onto their struggle. Of course, it was not the same, but I felt the resilience and fortitude of humanity in the heartbeat we shared.
Nothing is over yet. I whispered in the photo in the bathtub.
I imagined Sebastião Salgado’s photos of hundreds of miners in Serra Pelada Gold Mine.
Naturally, my daughter and I began talking more as humans. I followed these rituals; cleaning, soaking in a mineral bath, rubbing my skin with natural oil and talking to my daughter. Weekdays had smoothly passed. So, I was looking forward to this weekend.
Then Saturday afternoon June 26th, 2021, “Vidlevil” broke the non-aggression pact without any notice. He didn’t ring the bell and entered the bedroom. He caught me off guard.
My first reaction surprised me. The intensity of something gripped me. My hands shook. I dropped my heart, which I had been carefully polishing for a week, on the floor. It broke into several pieces. All at once, each of the emotions in the pieces fled in all directions. Yes, they had gone. But I was caught...by something.
“Fear…”
Next, panic hit me. My heart was pounding and my head felt like it was going to explode. From my body's reactions, it was clear that I was scared of him, but I didn't understand why. He wasn't violent. He was quite the opposite. He didn't do much. He didn't work and didn't help with the housework. But he opened a beer bottle every day.
Trapped in the waves of panic, I tried hard to think. What on earth was I scared of him? He brought his weight, expectations, and demands which left me feeling depleted, unfulfilled and ultimately, solitary. I tried to look at him. He was there, but his presence was blurred and unclear. He seemed to be having a fun conversation with our daughter. Solitary held the waves of panic for a while.
A thought blew in. “I don’t understand him at all.”
Fear was bound up in that. Human beings feel fear when confronted with something they cannot understand at all.
Fight?-or-flight?-or-freeze?
I grabbed my car key and my dog, told my daughter—not the blurred person—I was going for a walk, and left. My heart was pounding so loud that I couldn’t hear anything even the engine of my old Volvo, which usually made distinct sounds and vibrations, as if my body was shaking with the intensity of it and as if the intensity of it was driving.
Whilst my loud fast heartbeat took the same route I often did, this time, it turned right earlier than usual. I found myself driving down a narrow, almost forgotten path, just wide enough for one car. It cut through fields, and in the distance, I could see the outline of the Krušné Hory Mountains. it was the small, gentle hill in front of me that caught my attention. Strangely, once I noticed the hill, my loud fast heartbeat slowly ebbed away, instead, I felt like it was calling to me.
The hill rising from the ground was remarkably similar, its silhouette mirroring the iconic shape of Glastonbury Tor, but without the Tor. I parked the car, opened the door, and let Greyhound Inca out. I felt the wind on my cheeks.
"Ah, it's the same now. The hill is the same, the car tilts the same." I became in sync perfectly with who I was on June 26th.
The fight, flight, or freeze response is a primitive instinct in our body to protect us from danger. That day, faced with fear, my brain decided to stand up and fight, run away, or freeze completely.
Choosing to run away was the beginning of a mental loop, like pressing the "repeat" button. Every night, I relived the crucial moments of my decision and thought about alternative outcomes. What would have happened if I had chosen to fight? Would I have emerged victorious, or would I have fallen into chaos? Or what would have happened if I had remained frozen like a statue in the middle of a storm of fear? These "what ifs" trapped me in a story that never moved forward, endlessly wrestling with the possibilities of courage, surrender, or inaction for more than a month.
Inca dashed toward the hill, undulating like the wind with speed and grace.
Filled with a deep yearning to be like her, I cast off my shoes, feeling the cold earth embrace the soles of my feet. The coldness seeped the loop of "what ifs" thoughts on June 26th into the earth without hesitation. The afterimage of fear, tangled and pulsing to the loop, was also absorbed into the earth as if I could hear the sound of absorption. I had been healing.
Inca was running up to the middle of the hill and quickly returned to me as if conveying a message of trust - that each step holds meaning, guiding me forward to where I need to be. It is seeping into the depths of my soul.
Greyhound is the only dog breed mentioned in the Bible and is mentioned in various translations of Proverbs 30:29-31, especially in verse 31.
Proverbs 30:29-31 (KJV):
"29 There be three things which go well, yea, four are comely in going: 30 A lion which is strongest among beasts, and turneth not away for any; 31 A greyhound; an he-goat also; and a king, against whom there is no rising up."
Benson's commentary explains this in detail.
Proverbs 30:29-31. There be three things which go well — That walk decently, and with great alacrity and courage, or whose motion is majestic; A lion, which turneth not away for any — Doth not flee from his pursuers, whether men or beasts, but walks away with a slow and majestic pace, as is observed by Aristotle, and many others; A greyhound — Called in the Hebrew זרזיר מתנים, girt in the loins, either because its loins are slender, and, as it were, girt up into a little compass, or because of its great agility and swiftness; for the girding of the loins was used for expedition, in going or working.
I focused on walking like "walk decently, and with great alacrity and courage, or whose motion is majestic." Step by step, I stamped up the hill. Meanwhile, The coldness of the ground had been absorbing what I was carrying inside me, and my body gradually became lighter. I started running with Inca. When I reached the top, my heart was pounding like it had that day, but I was a different version, in short, I’d girded my loins.
I stood there and my greyhound Inca sniffed the earth with her tail expressing bliss. I could see everything. The entire landscape unfolded before me: the town where I lived, the dam I often visited with my dog, the old mining chimneys in the distance, and the Ore Mountain range on the other side, just existed there. My mind, purified by the coldness of the earth and extremely clear, recognized this as a timeline which was connected to everything in 360 degrees.
I sat in the lotus position on the summit of the sacred hill and at the centre of the timeline. I closed my eyes, counting my breath aiming for 108, which was the number the Zen monk in Kyoto had taught me presented Bonno:煩悩, earthy desires and attachments, while listening to the song of birds in the trees, the breeze blowing through the grass, and the warmth of the sun on my skin. My breath grew steadier and felt Inca the greyhound back next to me. All set and I was so sure that I was led here. Since I was born on the day after the Japanese National Foundation Day, I stepped on the path which my greyhound had shown me. I didn’t doubt the fact that I alone have all the strength, wisdom, and resources within me.
My purified mind without doubt was extremely light. When I counted 108 breaths, my mind most easily merged with the pleasant sensation of the breeze on my cheek and took off. It soared into the air like a kite. Observing me from above, I identified that Bonnos what the Zen monk in Kyoto taught me and Blockages what Satchidanand told me in L’Escala were the same. Both represented the negativity and obstacles we hold inside. At that moment, everything clicked.
I rose higher and higher and reached that magical realm I experienced at Glastonbury Tor, which was the gap between the material and spiritual worlds. I could see my timeline as well as the surrounding scenery. This time I didn’t need to do imaginary painting, I knew what I had to do before proving the hypothesis. I need a balance. I would create a strong base as deep as possible.
I focused on my soles which crossed before my root chakra. I created the upsidedown triangle shape with the balls of my feet which I felt the heat after walking barefoot and root chakra. I copied myself and placed my copy behind facing toward the Ore Mountains behind me. Because I need their help later. I created the triangle shape in my copy. I looked down from above. I connected lines four balls of my soles and made them larger. I had a design in my head.
Can you guess what is for, Satchi? Yes, I decided to create the strong foundation of my tower on my sacred hill.
The square foundation was created with four balls of my soles. Depth was not enough for my tower. I imagined the spirits of miners in mineral kingdoms of the Ore Mountains, “Krušné Hory”. I imagined all the miners I saw in Sebastiano Salgado’s black and white photographs, all miners in Japanese paintings of Iwami and Sado mines in Japan and all small wooden miners’ figures in the Ore Mountains Museum in Seiffen. I connected with the spirits of miners who once dug deep into the earth and sincerely asked them to dig imaginary mining shafts below the square foundation of my tower.
We worked well together. They dug and I refined ores in cupellation which I learnt with paintings of the Seven-Step Cupellation Method in the Sado Gold and Silver Mine in Japan (I showed you in the previous chapter). Thanks to them, I could visualise the process well. So, I refined precious metals which were cores or perhaps souls of metals and fed them to miners’ spirits. It released their spirits, especially unfulfilling wishes they didn’t achieve in their lives. Then, they transformed into light angels who were guardians of miners. They looked happy and stayed in the foundation of my tower.
Next, I burned impurities leftover from the cupellation using the Energy Enhancement Seven-Step Process. Thousands of angels were released in the base of my tower. The more sophisticated the process became, the deeper we descended, and the faster we freed these ancestral energies. Eventually, we reached an underground water.
“We can’t help you anymore.” said collective miners’ spirits. I nodded. I knew that this was my limit. “To connect to the earth’s core, drawing from hidden, raw energies within, you must go through this dark cold bottomless swamp. It would be a long journey to reach the bottom, or you might not.” They continued. “Alchemical fire was under the bottom of this water. It’s an intense, powerful heat. You might need another help.” I showed my gratitude to them and we hugged each other and looked up the shafts we delved together. Filled with so many light angels, it looked like a massive tall underground Christmas tree.
With complete trust, I dove into the dark water. At the same time, I sensed that my deepest doubts were lurking in my mind, and I was thrown into a cold, weightless world. It was pitch black, but I wasn't scared. Instead, it was soothing, replenishing, vitally liquid.
Underwater, I felt an unexpected freedom. When I looked up, I saw a faint light in the distance, but when I looked down, I saw nothing. I remembered my experience scuba diving in the ocean at night. At one point in my life, I had become fascinated with this sport and had learned how to balance and stay hovering underwater. I focused on maintaining balance for a while and succeeded. At the same time, I felt that the base of my tower was also balancing up and down.
“The tower represents your inner strength. It is a lighthouse and source of clarity, purity, and healing." The water around me vibrated and I received a message. I decided to sign it as my tower.
Using the index finger of my right hand, I drew the Japanese character "塔:Tou" in the swaying water. "塔:Tou" means "tower" in English and comes from the Sanskrit word "stupa." According to a reprint of an old Kanji dictionary containing 14,924 characters published in 1917 that I inherited from my father, "tower" was defined as a building representing a sacred space consisting of one to thirteen floors, where "舎利:Shari” (relics) are kept. Shari (Śarīra in Sanskrit) refers to the remains of Buddha and other revered Buddhists.
The black ink gradually seeped into the water, transforming the character of "塔:Tou" I drew into "言霊: Kotodama" (spirit of words).
“言霊: Kotodama" is an important concept in Japanese culture, where words and language are believed to have spiritual or mystical powers after the very act of speaking or writing the words. It is seen as having the power to influence reality, events, and even one's own destiny. In Japanese beliefs, words are not just linguistic tools, but are imbued with a spiritual essence that means "soul."
Deeply intertwined with this concept of “言霊: Kotodama" is 書道 (Shodo), the Japanese art of calligraphy. Calligraphers aim to imbue their writing with the essence and energy of words through their brushstrokes, which they believe have the power to resonate with the 神:kami (divine spirits). The aesthetic qualities of 書道(Shodo), calligraphy, such as the flow, balance, and rhythm of the brushstrokes, are believed to reflect the calligrapher's inner state including emotions, memories, and ideals, showcasing aspects of one’s character or past with the written words. Furthermore, the practice of 書道(Shodo) is often considered a form of meditation, where the calligrapher aims to transcend the physical act of writing and connect with the spiritual essence of the language.
My first teacher was my mother. I was very little, and she would use my calligraphy to explain my inner state. It's too difficult to explain, but I was able to understand myself through calligraphy. The words I wrote with my brush represent who I am. Whether I liked it or not, that was me. The visual impact of calligraphy has the power to evoke emotion and spiritual maturity. I believe that this is the art of beautiful handwriting, which is why I continue to practice calligraphy and love it so much.
I accepted my “塔 calligraphy” and the way it blended with the liquid around it, and transformed into its own unique “言霊: Kotodama" because it represented my level of spirituality. I placed the “言霊: Kotodama" of the tower at the bottom of my current reach, and at the top, a watercolour painting of Glastonbury Tor, sandwiching them together. I then declared, "This tower is my Antahkarana. From now on, I will build it higher and dig it deeper through meditation."
The Antahkarana is a Sanskrit term that is derived from two roots: “Antah” (inner) and “Karana” (instrument), and is often described as a“bridge between the higher and lower mind.” The first time I heard this word from Satchidanand, I visualized and built it with theories. But now, I built it with my experiences and declared it with my signature.
Now I was ready to prove the hypothesis. This was the very purpose of coming to this hill.
I should possess the sacred mirror "Yata no Kagami". I wore it proudly on my left chest, just above my heart, as my high school emblem for three long years of my teenage. It had connected to my inner child hiding in my heart. So, I use it as a catalyst to reflect on my inner child, talk to her, and heal her. I learned how to heal her from Sachidanand. I use the Energy Enhancement 7-step process. The biggest obstacle is my thought pattern controlled by my doubtfulness. I cannot trust the invisible, that is, experience, knowledge, intuition, etc., Therefore, I believe I am weak, and I fear things that are not worth fearing.
To overcome this barrier, I was led to come to this hill by my companion Greyhound Inca. I named this hill “My Glastonbury Tor in Czechia” and built the foundation of my Tou:塔 on it. This tower connects the seen and unseen worlds, from above and below. And I declared this tower to be my "Antahkarana" and gave it the Kotodama, spirit of words. Now I am in the water deep underground my Antahkarana of the sacred hill. Intuitively, I sensed this water connecting me to my dark inner realm—a profound connection to the fears and uncertainties that dwell within. The “Yata no Kagami” is a catalyst for my inner child and reflects her. I learnt and practised how to purify her in cupellation with the spirits of miners.
“Trust yourself.” I talked to myself. “I trust that I alone have all the strength, wisdom, and resources within me to heal my inner child and everything I need will arrive when it’s meant to.”
I focused on breathing. I straightened my spine and swayed until I felt the connection that my meditation teacher Sachidanand taught me. Once I felt the connection, imagined purple light and filled my body with it. Slowly expanding the purple aura to the surroundings, I was ascending the purple aura into my Antahkarana. I imagined myself as the “Purple Tor on my pilgrimage hill.” Purple is a colour of Wisteria and Amethyst and this is my colour.
Within the stillness of the water, I summoned the final tool of this meditation—the Yata no Kagami mirror. From my third eye, I projected it in front of me, growing it from the size of an old high school seal to a grand, reflective surface. It struggled to stay steady in the water. It might be heavy. I focused on balancing all surroundings.
In Japanese Mythology, Yata no Kagami is linked to the myth of the Goddess of Amaterasu hiding in a cave, which caused darkness to envelop the world. To lure her out, the other gods created a mirror as a divine tool, showcasing her beauty and restoring light to the world. It would help me to showcase my truth.
”Mirror, mirror, mirror, show me the truth I seek now.” As soon as the large mirror stayed steady, I spoke the words etched into my memory.
The surface rippled, and slowly, an image appeared. A figure emerged veiled in black. She carried two angels, one on each shoulder. They brought me a feeling that I had my back against the wall. I looked into the figure with all effort. My boat was already burning and I used all the cards I had.
I started feeling her as mine, a feeling that I could not fully explain. She seemed lost and distrustful, hesitant and filled with doubt, yet she had the flexibility to be anybody or anything. She seemed to cast dark eyes at me through the black veil. Her eyes told me through my third eye that she couldn't turn her life over as easily as lifting the black veil. At that moment, I sensed unfulfilled feelings in an unhealthy family relationship.
I felt the weight of the angels on her shoulders was palpable as if they represented the conflicting voices that had plagued me for so long. Whilst she couldn't see it, I saw these angels hold her veil firmly. The darkness in her eyes was accumulating pain from various wounds and trauma and the darkness was synchronised to the darkness in my heart.
Some old wounds were created by bad habits that have been passed down from generation to generation. As a result, it was clear that she or I could not live our own life. As soon as my feelings were overwrapping to her feelings, I understood that this was the truth.
She spoke, “I was extremely afraid to make others uncomfortable. As a result, I became obedient, walking quietly beside others, and surrendering myself to fulfilling their role of responsibility. I felt love because they needed me. But it was not love.” It reminded me of June 26th. Vydlevil, my husband, returned, instead I left. I was frightened that I would make him uncomfortable and I would make him angry because of the non-aggression pact, which was separation.
At that moment, angels whispered to her. "There was another truth. Vydlevil didn't care how you were scared. He didn't care about you at all."
I remembered that feelings with my fears, doubts, and vulnerabilities. Unable to bear it any longer, I inserted both my hands into the mirror and punched those angels. I lifted the black veil. Her gaze pierced through me, and a moment of hesitation grabbed me.
Everything I had experienced—in Takehaya High School, Glastonbury Tor, meeting with Satchidanand, My greyhound Inca, the miners’ spirits, the digging, the refining of ores, creating the foundation of my Antahkarana, the leap into the water—had led me to this moment. My life, from the day I was born, had been a journey to release her, which was my truth.
I reached into the depths of her eyes, grasping hold of the darkness that lingered there. It felt hauntingly familiar, a shadow I recognized as my own. More than anything, I prayed that this wasn’t the darkness that belonged to my daughter. I wrapped my hands around it, focusing intently as I began the Energy Enhancement Seven-Step Process. This time I visualized the process of alchemy, many layers of blockages turned into gold. It was stunningly beautiful.
Once I completed the seventh step, which purified the infinite chakra at the peak of my Antahkarana, we found ourselves seated by the water. There was a tunnel-like arch made of growing with blooming wisteria next to us. We were in an islet. The water had an elegant purple flow with petals of wisteria. The water shimmered with an unearthly light, carrying purple petals like scattered whispers of an ancient melody. Each petal seemed alive, a fragment of memory, floating toward a destination only the soul could fathom. I felt a kind of nostalgia. She was small but strong, fragile yet powerful. Leaning closer to her, I whispered in her ear as if carried by the gentle breeze swaying the wisteria blooming clusters.
“You need to open your heart before it freezes over completely. You’ve been too sensitive to the expectations of others, and in trying to live up to them, you’ve wrapped your heart in guilt for protection. That shell of guilt is growing thicker and harder each day, suffocating your passion and leaving your heart cold. I’m here to help you shed that weight. It won’t hurt, I promise. Once it’s gone, your heart will melt with your passion and you will naturally regain your senses.”
It struck me then—I was speaking to myself on that hill.
"Your passion will understand your regained heart with a sincere attitude. And it trusts you and gives a legitimate evaluation. At that time, your passion and heart are united. Your good and imperfections, your efforts and laziness are all united and gently envelop you."
With the best timing, I put my hands into her heart and tore her shell without hesitation. A blight of rainbow radiated from inside her. It merged with my purple aura and our aura grew bigger and bigger. It swirled even purple petals. I was in the purple storm.
I was so deeply moved that my creativity stopped. As soon as it stopped, the aura fell on me, stifled me and I was swallowed by the aura. I felt a shift—a release. I became one with the purple aura surrounding me. We were pulsing with energy, a voice emerging from its depths. It was the purple voice again.
“I’ve grown quite intrigued by the workings of your mind. Highly sensitive individuals often have the ability to perceive the deep desires of those around them, and they mistakenly equate their own feelings with these desires. We label this tendency as delusion. Such experiences can trigger intense emotions in close relationships." It said, steady and serene.
"It’s crucial that you reclaim your boundaries and feel empowered to uphold them, even if it means disappointing others—or yourself. If you don’t, even if you attempt to shed your Bonno through meditation, you’ll inevitably absorb the earthly desires of those around you. The three poisons—greed, anger, and delusion—can disturb and taint both their minds and bodies, turning their egos against you. The first step is to embrace solitude." The voice grew steady, resonant like a “Joya no Kane:除夜の鐘” which were bells rung 108 times at temples around midnight on New Year's Eve in Japan, tolling truths long buried.
"You've laboured diligently to make the expectations of others your own. Your heightened sensitivity leads you to fear the discomfort of others when you don’t meet their ideals. But remember, most people lack your level of sensitivity. Additionally, your fear can trigger guilt in situations where you believe you have failed to meet your own moral standards or the expectations of others. The guilt is self-generated, not imposed by anyone else. This guilt is a form of delusion—one of the three poisons."It spoke not in riddles but with clarity, laying out what I must do next.
"Your next challenge is to cultivate discernment and redefine the boundaries between your husband’s expectations and your own ideals, even if it makes him uneasy or angry and leaves you feeling isolated. I think you sense it. Your daughter, too, may unconsciously reflect this dynamic back to you. Both rejection and arrogance act as defences." The purple voice emerged—not from above, but from within.
"You will face your fears and loneliness stemming from these delusions. Embrace silence, as it is the most serene way to establish boundaries with others. Understand that your Kotodama:言霊, have the power to create something from nothing and empower others, yet they can also destroy both seen and unseen things. Mastering the art of silence will master Kotodama:言霊. Then, you will meet your vulnerability.”
Astonishingly, I understood everything, as if the language of purple voice had always been my own. Is this the power of Avalon?
The voice might not be Avalon itself, but Avalon translated it for me, its healing energy bridging the gap between my higher self and my understanding. Because without it, I wouldn’t translate such a long message. Interestingly, I have another occupation as a translator. I’ve never translated a message so clearly. It wasn’t just words—it was clarity, a vivid map laid before me, explaining my path and the challenges ahead. The message was long, descriptive, and impossibly clear. I was profoundly healed. Understanding is healing, at least for me.
Avalon is a legendary island from Arthurian mythology, often described as a mystical and healing place shrouded in mystery. It is said to be where King Arthur’s sword, Excalibur, was forged and where he was taken to heal after his final battle. another surprising fact is that Avalon is often associated with Glastonbury Tor in Somerset, England.
The purple voice faded away. At that moment, I realized I was no longer in Avalon. I stood outside of the mirror, looking at it. The portal was gone. There was no trace of Avalon, no inner child. It was just a normal mirror, reflecting me as I stood before it. But then I saw something strange. At the bottom of the mirror, ten fingers held its frame. I froze, staring at them. They weren’t mine.
The purple aura began to dissipate, revealing a figure behind the mirror. He stood there, holding it between us, his silhouette framed by a distant light. I was neither in the dark nor in water. The light behind him illuminated his soft brown hair, not black like a shadow, but a warm brown that seemed alive.
I couldn’t see his face—he was backlit, his features obscured—but his presence was unmistakable. The fingers holding the mirror, the gentle way he stood, the aura of familiarity… I knew this person.
For a moment, we stood there, facing each other. As if two fighters who fight for equality at every turn had just begun the duel, they pour their reminiscences into rays towards their opponent’s eyes. It was as if the mirror no longer separated us but connected us. He wasn’t a reflection, and yet he felt like one—a part of me, yet outside of me.
And then I opened my eyes.
To be continued to 1.12. Pleached Green Alley in the Botanic Garden
Dearest my subscribers, readers and friends,
Thank you for reading this chapter. It means so much to me that you’ve taken the time to connect with my personal reflections and experiences. I know that what I share often comes from a very deep and personal space within my inner world, and it might not always be easy to read or follow. This chapter, in particular, is longer than usual, but I hope it offers you a chance to rediscover something—perhaps something forgotten, missed, or unknown within yourself.
My journey has been one of seeking my own truth and inner peace, guided by meditation practices with the Energy Enhancement Seven Step Process taught by Sachidanand. It feels like I’ve reached a profound stage—not so much a turning point, but a deep entry into another level of understanding and healing.
The experiences I wrote about in this chapter remain vivid in my memory. I’ve visited the place I described, at times weekly and now about once a month, to reconnect and deepen the process I discovered through meditation. This chapter took me longer to share than expected, partly because my beloved companion, Inca, has been facing a serious illness. It was a shock, but through meditation, I’ve worked on releasing her pain and understanding the messages this journey holds for both of us.
I also feel that the world itself is shifting to a new stage—a lighter, more spiritual place where we align more closely with our soul’s desires.
Your support gives me immense motivation to continue writing honestly and sharing my journey. I would love to hear your stories, too. Together, we can inspire and encourage each other.
As we move forward, I urge you to take moments of stillness each day, whether or not you follow the Energy Enhancement techniques. Simply sitting in lotus posture, as Buddha did, and connecting to something greater—your higher self or the shared essence that unites us—can help you find calm, release blockages, and shine a light on your path ahead.
I look forward to revealing more of my truth in future chapters, where my journey will take an even more dramatic turn. The next chapter is “Pleached Green Alley in the Botanic Garden”. Do I meet the boy with soft brown hair?
Thank you, again, for your kindness and presence. Let’s keep meditating, growing, and sharing together.
With gratitude,
Yuko